Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize