just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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