I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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