So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
