The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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