he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
