i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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