how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i now understand why vodka
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
