if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
