omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
