Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you didnt know i had herpes?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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