As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
