I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
