she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
birth control should be required to get into college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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