it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
