i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
