He felt like a one man threesome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
