Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
