Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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