I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
