marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
