If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
