Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
