so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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