Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
