I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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