Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
