yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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