Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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