Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
