new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
