I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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