and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
