Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
