Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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