A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
