Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
