She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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