this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
