Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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