The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
