Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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