she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
