His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
