i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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