I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
