My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
