And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
