Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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