Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
