I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
