I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish you could order shots online.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
