so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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