New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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