My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
