i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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