just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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