Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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