I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
