I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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