I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
