this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
