Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
